The Next Steps After Cheating:
Almost all of I Cheated on My Boyfriend’s (ICOMB) website visitors find the site because they are trying to figure out what to do after cheating. As we all know, cheating is frowned upon by most of the population, so it can be hard for a cheater to find friends and family who are comfortable discussing it. We also want someone who can do so without judging the cheater so harshly and without any understanding. It is typical for a cheater to not know any other cheaters or even someone who has contemplated cheating! This makes the whole experience even more pronounces and lonely. You will end up feeling trapped and unable to trust anyone with your problems without ridicule or negative judgement. Knowing what to do after cheating, and openly discussing the ways in which you can move forward after cheating, can be discovered and it can be discovered right here on the ICOMB website.
Though our e-book discusses what to do after cheating at length (pages and pages of information along with assigned tasks) we’ve outlined a few basic steps here to give you a taste of what ICOMB is all about and what we can do to help you.
Protect Yourself and Buy Yourself Time To Think
First things first, you need to cover your tracks. Even if you haven’t decided if you will tell your boyfriend that you cheated or not, it’s important that you protect yourself first. You want to buy yourself time to think about yourself, why you cheated, and what to do next. If your boyfriend finds out by snooping on your phone, through your e-mails, or from a friend, you lose any and all control you had over the situation. You want enough time to do the work necessary to figuring out if you want to try and work things out with your boyfriend after you tell him, if you want to continue cheating, or if you want to break up, among many other options. There is a lot to explore if you take this post-cheating time seriously and you want to ensure you can dive in headfirst without being stressed that you’ll get caught before you are ready. For more tips on this, check out our dedicated page “Don’t Get Caught Cheating!”
Don't Let Your Emotions Take Over Control!
At this time you may be feeling guilty, sad, and confused. Or any combination of the three. Just remember that these are completely normal feelings and it is perfectly fine to feel them. The key to learning more about yourself and the situation is to not let your emotions take too much control of you or your life. You don’t want to get back together with your boyfriend just because you are guilty, you also don’t want to tell him before you are ready because you’re sad. It’s important to feel your emotions but not to let them dictate the actions you take. You’ll need to do some soul searching and think deeply about your next moves. Acting on feelings alone could get you into an even more difficult situation than the one you were in before. Once you do tell your boyfriend, make sure you do not let his emotional reaction affect your own feelings. Stay true to them and to the path you chose and decisions you made.
Be Honest With Yourself
As you start to explore WHY you cheated, what to do after cheating should become more clear and get clearer as you move forward. Understanding your actions will help bring you to a place where you can you make the best decisions for yourself. Maybe you’re bored with your relationship, maybe your boyfriend hurt you in some way and you wanted to get back at him, maybe you aren’t meant to be monogamous. We explore these options in depth in the ICOMB e-book, so you can explore each one and learn to understand yourself, your relationship, your boyfriend, and your cheating habits. This can be a difficult task. It can be hard to admit that you no longer love your boyfriend, or that you are lonely, or that you are spiteful. Whatever the case, it can be a hard to dig deep and shine light on the less attractive aspects of ourselves. Just remember that NO ONE is perfect and it takes a brave person to discover these parts of themselves. You can do this.
Accept The Reason Why You Cheated
When you find the reason or reasons why you cheated, accept them, understand them, spend time with them. Doing this will show you how to confront (or not confront) your boyfriend about the cheating. You may want to share the reason with him to better your relationship or may not want to. As long as you understand it and accept, it is yours to share or not share. As we know, accepting the less than perfect parts of ourselves is a challenge, but you will be much better for it in the end.
Confront The Problem
You’re ready to confront the problem and make a decision on when and where to tell your boyfriend. How you will explain, what you want to do about it, and how you can BOTH move forward whether together or separately.
Buy our e-book today to get exercises for each of these steps and to be guided through the self-discovery process. You are not alone!